11 August 1999 - 10:52pm
Smiles are all I seem to be capable of these days. My friends are getting annoyed that I'm always smiling. They tell me it's not natural. I just smile at
them some more.
|| I haven't spoken about the last time I saw her. It was
almost two weeks ago. She came up here from the coast on a Friday and I met her at a mall around
lunchtime. I walked around a corner to where we were to meet and there she was. She was the first
person I saw, and I saw no-one else as I walked towards her. She was looking around for me but
didn't see me, and so she walked towards a nearby shop. As I was approaching her, I was thinking that
maybe I should just stand there and watch her for a few seconds - she was so beautiful, and I was again
amazed that this beautiful woman was my girlfriend and was in love with me.
We kissed each other hello, and had a coffee, and talked. After that, we started
a weekend of introducing her to all my friends. (It's my turn next time I go to see
her!) It must've been harrowing for her, but she handled it well. Better than I
expected - and the good thing was that she didn't run screaming in horror after
having met them all. Hehehe.
We went to ORAC, and she met Scot and his friend Ken, and my two housemates, the Davids (David and David). It was great to have them see my girlfriend. I enjoyed that immensely.
On that Friday night, we went out to dinner at a Chinese restaurant, and I was glad that the food was great. We went back to my place and tried to work out
what to do next. We had two choices. We could go out in the rain to a noisy
nightclub and listen to a live band, or we could relax in my spa. It didn't take us
very long to work out which was the better choice! Two hours later, we finished
relaxing in the spa and got out. That's when she fainted in my arms.
It's not often a man has a woman faint in his arms. When she woke up, she told
me that if she gets hot and is in a humid environment and stands up quickly, she
gets dizzy. But the last time she fainted was when she was a teenager. So I
guess it must've been a combination of the warm, humid air, and being in my
I'll tell ya, it scared the bejesus out of me. I had all these thoughts flash through
my head. Was she dead? Was she playing games? Had she fainted? What
should I do? Should I turn off the heater first or call the ambulance? It was
weird. It was scary. It was the unknown. But if it happens again, I won't be as
So that was Friday. It was a wonderful, enjoyable and exciting day. Then came
I had to work at ORAC for 4 hours (from 10am to 2pm - as usual) and while it was a bummer having to do that, it was great to kiss her goodbye as I left for
work... hehehe. She came in to see me around lunchtime and spoke of how
nice it was to relax on a Saturday morning without having her children bothering
her - it was a nice break for her. I was happy that she was enjoying herself, and
told her how nice it was to have her keep me company at my work. However, it
was obvious why workplace relationships are 'bad' because I wasn't able to get
anything done! Too much kissing and not enough customers. Eventually I had
to take a break from her and get some accounting done. Priorities... *sigh*
After work finished we had lunch and then ended up visiting some more friends, Alex and Erin. They were the couple that I used to live with until I moved to
where I am now. I had to return to Alex some VCD's that I'd borrowed from him,
and while we were there, he put on his copy of The Matrix. I had to see my
favourite scenes of course, where they fought the SWAT team in the foyer of the
building, and on the roof. But then I had to drag 'Missy' away from the movie,
because we were supposed to be going for a drive into the country - it was a nice
day for it - and there was only an hour or so left of sunlight. I was shocked at
myself! I'm the fanatic in regards to The Matrix, and I was dragging HER away
from it! Hehehe. I'm glad she likes my favourite movie though...
The drive in the country was great. We saw some kangaroos and I stopped to take some photos of them. It was really nice.
After we got back home, we relaxed for a little while, and then freshened up to go
out to dinner at another friend's place. We were there from just after 7 to about
1am. It was a thoroughly enjoyable evening, and Missy seemed to be having a
great time. I was glad that she was liking my friends.
Sunday. The last day of her being there for that weekend. It was a day of sadness. We went for another drive along the same route we went the previous
day, but we were both sad that we wouldn't be seeing each other again for
another two weeks. We walked through a koala enclosure, looking for some
koalas. We found one. I felt sorry for it. It was like a zoo, being on display for
passers-by to see. It was interesting to see it, but I guess I was in a melancholy
mood and didn't enjoy it as much as I could have. It was nice being there with
Missy though. We'll be doing more walks in the nature reserve like that, but in
future we'll be going along the open walking trails, rather than through prison-like
We came back to my place and spent some time just holding each other, being in each other's arms, memorising our feelings and each other. Neither of us
wanted to part ways, but sadly, it was unavoidable.
We kissed goodbye... and did it again. And half an hour later, we stopped. And
I watched her drive away, feeling a sense of loss. Knowing that we would be
together again in two weeks time did nothing to soften the sorrow that she wasn't
Over the past couple of weeks, I've been phoning her as usual. Our phone calls
are our only life-line to each other. We tell each other about our days events, our
thoughts and feelings on various issues in our lives, and are most importantly our
only means of expressing our feelings and how much we miss each other. We
can't caress each other physically, so we 'caress' each other verbally. It's nice.
It keeps us going.
It's obvious that we are going to be together, it's just a matter of time and, until
last night, a matter of who was going to move where. Last night was a resolution
of that issue. The decision has been made, a goal has been set. She is about
to build an extension onto her house, allowing another bedroom to be added on.
The goal is that when that happens, I will move down there shortly after. I'll need
the extra room there for my computer and other stuff.
I have told my housemates and my friend Scot that I'll be moving to the coast sometime within the next 6-12 months. They all tell me I'm stupid. I told them
they don't know what they're talking about. They told me I'll lose my friends and
my social life. I told them the story of my moving to Canberra from Adelaide. It
was back in 1992, and it was to follow a girl that I cared for, but didn't love. I
moved halfway across the country for her (13 hours by car). I know that I can
move 2.5 hours (by car) for someone I'm deeply in love with.
Life is all about change. We either embrace change and move on with our lives,
or we deny it, and remain stagnant. I ended up losing all my friends in Adelaide,
something which saddened me, but moving to Canberra was the best thing I ever
did in my life. It's obviously time for a change again, and I embrace it with
everything in my soul. Following your heart is always a good thing - it leads to
great rewards. I was rewarded by moving here, and I know that I'll be rewarded
by moving there.
My god, this is such a long entry! But it's been great writing it. See ya next
time I write something...
is precisely the issue
that stands between
you and your relationship
to another human being;
and between you