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12 February 1999 - 9:08pm
Yes, it's been a week since the last update. I've got to get out of this habit of not writing entries as much as I used to. I think the main reason is that I've become pretty busy with work, and we all know that there's not that much interesting about our work. Yeh, yeh, it's interesting to me, but it's not the kind of thing that I can make interesting for you, nor would I try to. This is about me and my feelings as I go through life, and if something about work comes into that, then I'll talk about it.

This weekend is Valentine's Day weekend. I'm reminded of this time last year...   A friend (Scot) and I went out on the evening of Valentine's Day (13th Feb 98) to various nightclubs, and I met a beautiful asian girl called Helen. I saw her at a nightclub and after some time gathering courage, I went over and started talking to her. I thought I was 'picking her up', but it turned out that she was the one picking me up! I saw her a few times over the next few weeks and had quite a good time with her. However, that all finished when it turned out that she was a high-class prostitute and had been lying to me about who she was. 

Apparently she came clean with me because she wanted a relationship with me, and wanted me to know the truth about her, claiming that she hadn't told me because she was afraid I'd run away. The strangest thing was that I felt a sense of pride that this beautiful, but screwed-up woman wanted to be with me, when she could have had her choice of millionaire men who wanted to buy her the world. I accepted this, and still wanted to be with her, however the sad part of this story is that after she confessed, she left and moved to Melbourne. 

So that's my memory of this time last year...

I spoke to Scot today (the one who I went out nightclubbing with this time last year) and reminisced about last year's Valentine's Day. Tomorrow night - the 13th - he and I are getting together for a business meeting. I suggested to him that we go out afterwards... maybe I'll get lucky again. *smile*

There is only one courage and that is the courage
to go on dying to the past,
not to collect it,
not to accumulate it,
not to cling to it.
We all cling to the past,
and because we cling
to the past we become
unavailable to the present.



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2001 Alan Howard